What I Kinda Maybe Really Want to Do

So, there’s this thing called a guitar, right? And I’ve been trying to learn it for many years now. My dad plays guitar, and he’s tried to teach me in the past, but because of many reasons on my part (lack of motivation, not having my OWN guitar, etc.) I’ve just failed at keeping up at it.

That is until fall of 2013. After I had been listening to Taylor Swift’s music for about half a year, I decided I wanted to write songs in a similar way that she does. And she plays guitar. So I was like: “I’m gonna learn guitar so I can be Taylor Swift.”

Well, maybe I didn’t say exactly that, but I do want to be a singer. I discovered this one night during a choir concert. I was standing up there in the front row, moving to the music a little bit as I sang, and I just thought: “I love singing. THIS is what I want to do.” And it’s been the thing I’ve striven for since that night. For a while there I was all like: “I’m gonna be an actress on TV and in movies!” But even when I was saying that I was thinking “Yeah, right,” ’cause I wasn’t doing anything to train in acting. I wasn’t taking any acting classes at CYT. All I had been doing for the past year was partake in singing groups.

So I think I’m gonna be a singer. No. I AM going to be a singer. Even if I don’t get to be as famous as Taylor Swift. A girl that auditioned for American Idol this year said in her audition: “I’m either gonna be a successful artist, or an out-of-work artist.” Good for you, girl who auditioned for the show that’ll (maybe) make your dreams come true. I’m taking your quote and applying it to my life.

On another note (no pun intended), something I’ve always admired (whether I realized it or not) is singers who write their own music. That’s a reason Taylor Swift inspires me – she writes all of her own music, even if it’s co-writing. She’s in there writing about HER experiences. That’s what I want to do, too. (Of course, we could get into the whole argument about whether or not she attacks people, but let’s leave that for another post, shall we? Thank you.)

Anyways, I’ve always written lyrics down in a notebook. I’ve recorded some of the better songs, too, on my phone. But I’ve never been able to put them to music because, well, I didn’t play an instrument. I played piano for five years, but all I took from that was a song called “Jig” from a beginner’s piano book, and about half of a song called “Flamenco” by some random piano composer no one’s heard of. With that little knowledge, I didn’t expect myself to be able to do anything about putting my words to melody. And that’s when I decided I NEEDED to learn how to play the guitar. For songwriting, and also just so that I can say “I can play an instrument.” A lot of people can say that. But not everybody can.

I’ve written a lot of songs in my lifetime, and there are a few I’d actually consider putting on an album. I never really thought too much of it when I was little, but now that I do, I realize that it’s something God probably put on my heart, even from the time I was 8. I remember seeing an interview with who I believe were the members of Skillet, and the lead singer said something along the lines of “Well, being the writer, you think all of your songs are awesome. But the marketers don’t necessarily think that audiences will like that particular one.” That’s always been in the back of mind when I write a song. I try not to get too excited if I think it is good.

I feel like I’m rambling a little bit. Am I rambling? That’s a fear of mine. Maybe I should write a song about my fear of rambling. Songs come out everywhere. When you’re an artist, you’re constantly noticing things to create art around. If you’re a painter, you look for things you paint. If you’re a quilter, you find patches in the littlest things. When you’re a songwriter, you look at the people around you. The pictures. The scenery. The books. I had an idea for a song about Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe when I came across a book about the ball player while browsing idly in the LoneStar library. Now I’m rambling… lol.

Anyways, that’s what I want to do in my life. Of course, there is always the option of just being a wife and mother when I get older. I do think about the problems surrounding these few things – fame and family. What to choose? I guess that’s just something I’ll need to let God sort out as time goes by. Either way, I’m kind of excited about the future. It’ll be… interesting, to say the least. 🙂


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